So what are you doing with your life for the next 79 days? I just realized that the year is almost over. For me, it is the time to check in on how I have been spending my time and what intention I have for the time left. The doubt is always, will I freeze or will I seize? And if I do seize, am I sure that I am seizing the right stuff. Because let’s face it, this time of year can stir up lots of pressure, uncertainty, confusion, and other disempowering emotions. (And, as is often the case, the world is not giving us a helping hand with this either.) So with the New Year’s clock ticking, it easy to sink deeper into the liminal space of what now? that we have been wading in and out of throughout the year –
get really stuck and dirty in it.
And with this, forget what matters most. So today let’s remind ourselves. But first…
Liminal Space – What Is It?
Recently this word has been popping up in my feeds. Is the Universe trying to tell me something?
(Maybe it is like when you buy a yellow car. You start seeing them everywhere.)
So I looked up what this actually means. And briefly, this is what I found.
Liminal space is the uncertain transition between two spaces – where you’ve been and where you’re going. To be in a liminal space means to be on the threshold of something new, but you are not quite there yet.
And thus the expression, stuck in limbo.
Physical Liminal Spaces Are The Easiest To Understand
An elevator is an example of a physical liminal space. We don’t usually think about this because it is a normal transition.
But, what happens if you were to get stuck in one?
Other examples: Airplanes and airports, hallways, tunnels, bridges.
Emotional Liminal Spaces – Easy, Hard, So Much Depends On Us
The length of an emotional liminal space may have much to do with our response to the transition. Some are easy and some are hard, however our mindset regarding the experience makes a huge impact on how quickly we pass through to the other side.
Examples of emotional liminal spaces are: a move, graduating, an illness or death, a divorce, a pregnancy
Metaphorical Liminal Spaces Can Be The Most Difficult
Having to make a decision is the best example of a metaphorical liminal space. If the decision is easy, it goes unnoticed. But when we don’t know what to do, we get stuck in this liminal space and remain there until we make a decision.
(I have lots of experience with this one)
Liminal spaces are not dangerous.
However, when any type of liminal space is perceived as a zone of danger, prolonged feelings of uncertainty (and fear) often lead to physical, mental, and/or emotional illness.
Liminality is Not A Negative Thing
Liminality offers both negative and positive aspects. Maybe the experience of this moment is making you feel uncomfortable, unsteady or afraid.
However, phases of transition are your moment to grow. There is much space for creativity here.
We are never meant to remain in the liminal space we find ourselves in. This is where an abundance mindset can really be of service to us.
I once read that the sweetest stuff happens in limbo.
As always, it all depends on us. Our mindset.
Stuck in Liminality At The End Of the Year
This time of year is super tricky because it holds so many unspoken, underground, unempowering emotions.
Many emotions that are fed by where the year has failed us, or more accurately, where we feel that we have lacked this entire year.
It is an emotionally charged liminal space for many of us.
Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.
Hal Borland
Because here’s the thing: The year is coming to an end and our mind gets frozen in this idea that there is no more time.
And the more we grasp onto this idea, the more time we waste, and the more we feed fear and grasping.
And as a result, we just dedicate more energy to our confusion and this provokes even more emotional instability.
There is so much more to do and we don’t seem to be doing any of it. We are too busy attempting to take care of the day to day as we continue to do nothing but complain.
Complaining is a clear sign of being stuck in liminality.
Try To Ignore It And You Will Fail
Of course, we could ignore this 365 days in a year thing. Throw the calendar, agenda, and numbers on the burner and along with it, this idea of liminal spaces.
However, as incredibly liberating as this would be, you and I both know, most of us aren’t gonna do this. This would require a galactic leap of abandonment and we are just too programmed.
May we accept today’s limits of our fully human, conditioned selves and move on to what we are ready to improve.
Instead we work on letting go of the perception of an end, of not enough. And we practice gratitude for what is.
But first we have to cure ourselves of…
A Negative Liminal Space We Create – The It Can Wait Syndrome
I have done it. You have most probably done it. This time of year and not only. Definitely not only.
Our mind starts making excuses to stay in this liminal space of faltering productivity, fickle motivation, and flimsy gratitude.
This is a liminal space we create and endorse for ourselves. Let’s call it, It Can Wait Syndrome.
You know what I am talking about.
- After the New Year, I’ll take better care of myself.
- Once he gets better, I can enjoy my life again.
- Once I get better, I will appreciate the little things more.
- I’ll take a break once I catch up.
- It doesn’t pay to start/finish the project now. The world is too uncertain.
And I am not only referring to these types of things, I am talking about EVERYTHING.
Whichever statement applies, we are actually saying that our life can wait. But can it really?
Here is the truth bomb – If you wait for the new year, or the moment that you got it all together to care for yourself, fully live or feel grateful for your life, you are gonna be waiting forever.
Now you can wait as long as you want for things to feel safe and certain, but at least get honest with yourself and own up to the fact that you will be living an entire lifefime in a liminal space.
And this will feel anything but safe or secure.
Because remember darling friend, the only certainty about life is that it is utterly uncertain.
Choosing Our Spaces With gratitude
So we have a choice. Like always.
We can obsess about the beginning and the end of a year, a transition, or that promise we made – usually begun with great, big intentions and too often ending with great big disappointment, regret or guilt of everything not done, said, felt-
OR WE CAN RESET OURSELVES AND PAY MORE ATTENTION TO THE MIDDLE NO MATTER WHAT IT IS OFFERING US.
Feel grateful for where we are now, even if it is what someone at some time defined as liminal.
Scary, difficult, and uncertain have great value when we learn to seize this middle space as our fully human – maybe even – sensationally scared – selves.
And remember. Liminality is not negative.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with liminality as long as it doesn’t remain ignored or unnoticed.
So pay close attention. You may just realize that you are actually on the threshold of a more abundant you about to experience life with more abundance.
Because liminality, above all else, is possibility. Much beauty lies here.
Although it might not have been the path you hoped for, it is the space you are in right now.
And this is your choice.
As difficult as it may be to arrive at this certainty – once again – whether we experience this space in our lives as pain or pleasure is up to us.
My Liminal Space(s) in a Nutshell
What my day should look like feels foggy right now. When I say right now, I am referring to this phase of my life, this part of the year, this month, this very moment as I am typing these very words.
So I am in between on so many levels.
Staying afloat in a sea of liminal space. Maybe you feel the same.
As A Mom
I have two teenage daughters. Kenia, 19. Bianca Jade, 15 and a half.
At this age, our children need us and then they don’t. We try to give them space for their own liminality of entering adulthood. And at the same time, remain available. Still parents, but different.
Trying to figure out how much distance we should offer and accepting these new spaces between us. Our roles are constantly changing.
There is nothing that creates more uncetainty than being parents.
We have all probably heard something like: When we finally learn to deal effectively with one phase our children are already on to another.
Every day, you are reminded how difficult this job is, how resilient you are, and how you wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world.
My daughters come home late at night. Liminality every time.
They miss dinner more often. My older daughter drives and speaks about travelling on her own. This is all new for me.
And at the same time, they still want to cuddle and they still request time with me. I feel needed and included in their lives in a beautiful, fresh way.
And then I turn around and once again, I am rightfully not. Needed or included. Until the next time.
As A Spouse
Being someone’s person is difficult. It requires seeing the sacredness in the consantly changing human you are sharing a bed and life with. And seeing the same sacredness in your own continuous evolution.
The difficulty lies in accepting that neither one of you will be the same person you said, I do or I will love you forever to.
You need to fall in love with each other over and over again every day.
A lifetime of liminality individually and together. The responsibilty alone changes us. Once again, this world doesn’t lend us a hand.
The only way a union like this can survive is by seeing the beauty and all the possibility in the uncerainty of it all.
Be curious instead of hostile or indifferent. Not allow yourself to get frozen and rigid as the years pass.
Not freaking out when you suddenly discover a stranger’s feet touching yours underneath the sheets. Letting this new version of him or her in.
Not letting it get in the way of your dreams. Creating new dreams together that better fit who you and your partner have become. Getting creative helps too.
And remembering that it is beautiful to spend a lifetime of liminality with someone.
And feeling grateful for the chance.
We are so busy in this in between that it is difficult to find time and energy to care for us as a couple. Who are we as a couple in this middle place of our lives?
The girls. Parents that require more attention. Decisions about where our family should be.
Who are we at this age in our life, in this demanding world, this part of the year, just today?
We are in between young and old. Stay or go.
And yet, still with the fight in us to find romance in the midst of responsibilty and uncertainty.
For more about surviving marriage click here.
As A Semi-Nomad
So if you don’t know our story, we are very much in between places, and not only now, but all the time. It can be exciting. It feels rewarding.
Every transition took courage. Every transition takes courage. It doesn’t get easier.
Sometimes you jump. Sometimes you sit on the edge for too long.
And sometimes in the middle of it all, when you are tired and maybe scared, you think – I think: Wouldn’t it be nice to just be here?
Then maybe only seconds later, another thought: I just know in my heart that there is a ‘there’ waiting for us. And along with this, the question: How can we be here if here is no longer our place?
This happens way too often. And there I am in this seemingly, never-ending liminal space.
Even right now, we are stuck in indecision. Not being able to figure out how to arrive ‘there‘. Life gets more and more complicated. Is this a perception or reality?
Like almost everything else, I am still figuring this one out.
AND I KNOW HOW BLESSED I AM.
And I know more than anything else that there is nothing more important than learning how to hold on to RIGHT NOW. What matters most. Whereever you are or are not. Begining. Middle. End. Always.
I suppose this will always feel like a work-in-progress. Gratitude needs to be trained to avoid it getting flimsy.
The goal: Moment to moment, can we remember to feel more blessed than bewilidered?
To be able to say, this belongs. And so does this.
The part of us that wants to stay and the part of us that is trying to rush it along and be somewhere else.
And in the meantime, being grateful to have these choices and lessons reminding us to be here.
As Someone Who Must Produce
Liminal spaces often leave us with lots of undone stuff hanging around. There always seems like there is a transition moving in to interrupt our productivity. Physical, emotional, metaphorical.
Life never goes to plan. And neither do our projects.
And time passes, as we have already mentioned. Our real job is to meet the challenge with integrity.
INTEGRITY requires asking ourselves:
- How much of my life is associated with doing, where I am going?
- Can I separate myself from what I get done, where I believe I need to be?
- What actually happens when I don’t finish everything on my list? Is it life threatening or maybe life perserving?
- Will I be missing out or is this just another one of my damaging perceptions about life?
- What will happen if I never arrive? Can I still feel fulfilled in the messy middle?
- Can I find gratitude in allowing myself to just be – no transition on my mind? Maybe motivated by the love I have for my life.
I am in between too many projects as I ask myself:
Where does my productive energy need to go to fill me with more gratitude?
Some days I just don’t know.
I begin one thing and end up juggling. What fulfills me today can feel like a non-conclusional question when a project needs more than a day’s attention.
I have understood that living in the Now can leave lots of things undone. It feels extremely liminal.
The real question: Can I be ok with this?
As A Fully Emotional Human Being
I believe that all of the above is sufficient to explain this middle, very ungrounded emotional ground I am living on.
The answer. My answer. Return to the lessons. Remind myself every day of this duality.
We can experience two extremes at the same time.
Fear and courage. Pain and pleasure. Grief and joy. Uncertainty and gratitude.
There is space in our liminal spaces for this. There is something really blessed and soothing about this.
When we can choose happiness over despair, joy in the moment over fear of the future, faith in what is rather than fantasy about what might have been. To live this way isn’t just courageous, it is profoundly creative and extraordinarily generous.
Katrina Kenison, Moments of sEiing
A Beautiful Example of Duality – Grief and Grace
I was speaking about this with my daughter’s friend on Sunday. DUALITY.
It was the one year mark of her mom’s passing. A mega liminal space. She is only 17.
She has been so strong and brave this year. Handling all that grief with so much grace.
(Where we find our next teacher is always wondrous.)
I have witnessed her embracing this duality in an extremely stunning way. She has learned that she can still feel joy as she misses her mom.
The pain is very much a part of every moment of every day, she told me.
And still as she enjoys time with friends, celebrates accomplishments, experiences first love. And is grateful for her dad and sister and all the people who cover her with love.
All this.
As she misses her mom at an age that is so extremely in between.
She is such an inspiration for me.
Such an example of how we can use difficulty to serve us instead of freezing in missed time.
Worldwide Liminality
The synonyms of uncertainty are freedom and possibility.
Dr. Dan Siegel
There is so much more uncertain than certain these days. It isn’t easy to see the freedom and possibility.
I sense lots of people feeling this lately.
I mean, the questions outweighing the answers, solutions, conclusions.
Is it the end of the year syndrome, is it growing older, or is it simply life? The world? Is it this world?
Doesn’t it feel as if the entire world is stuck in a liminal space right now? – actually for quite a while now.
I do not have the answer. This post just feeding me with more what’s, why’s and how’s.
And yet, we don’t have to become victims of this. WE CAN TRUST.
And remember that nothing great in our lives comes without this trust.
It is the way it is supposed to be.
And as Jack Kornfield says, we can say: This too, ah this too.
Times of War – Is there gratitude in this space?
Writing to you from my bomb shelter in Jerusalem. The situation here, in Israel is terrifying. We, have been under attack for 14 hours.
I can barely breath from fear. My husbands 3 sons, who are army reservists, have been called up……. I don’t know what to do…
I need to breathe, just breath.
Please advise me how to breath and trust that “everthing is unfolding exactly as it should”
A Post Published by A friend In A Facebook Yoga Group
I had no internet the other morning. This could be frustrating. Actually it could get us really uptight. We are so dependent on it being a certainty.
But as I was about to enter that zone of ‘OMG I have so much to do and I NEED internet right now‘ I stopped and remembered that there are many other things I could do.
One of them was feeling super grateful.
I was at the coffee bar like almost every morning after my yoga practice (where I usually get some things done on my phone) and I just sipped my coffee in silence and thought of a Facebook post I saw yesterday. (THE MESSAGE ABOVE)
It was so touching and horrific and real. It is real.
I was at a loss for words. Obviously.
When it is so huge words are tinier than tiny. And it was a huge wake up call not to take anything for granted.
Not my coffee. Not the sunshine. Not internet, which I am so happy she has right now. Not our breath.
Not safety.
Not my uncertainty. So trivial in comparison.
So I used the time not being able to connect to connect with her and all the other people trying to just breathe right now. Offering my gratitude where words fail.
And offering prayer.
I prayed.
Absorbing the Liminal Space Of Humanity – Acts Of Generosity & Gratitude
Can we remember that complaining for the superficial and trivial is an act of disrespect?
Choose your sufferings carefully, with compassion.
Then when you do, have them and feel them. They belong. No more. No less.
And at the same time be generous with your gratitude.
This is love and respect for what is big and scary in other spaces and places.
A distant breath for those who are wishing in this very moment to have simply one more breath of air. And get out safely from their current space.
Maybe you can do the same right now. Close your eyes and think of all the innocent people – victims – of social agenda whose greatest desire is to breathe right now and get through it alive and unharmed.
May we remember to do this even when it is not directly under our own eyes or in our time zone.
And also remember that any suffering – all suffering – is our suffering.
We absorb the liminal spaces of humanity as well.
And after you do, maybe give thanks. Thanks for it all.
Internet and all the other things in our daily lives distract us from this. Connecting with our gratitude is our empowerment. It is the way through.
Final Note – There is Always Possibility
My husband said to me the other day. I feel grateful for this difficult run we are having. At least we know that we are still alive and kicking. We still care, truly love one another. We still have possibility ahead of us.
I believe he is right. There is no love in indifferent or flat. No freedom or possibility either.
You gotta climb up the mountain to see the best view and then get to the other side.
So maybe the ultimate goal is to be able thank the suck. Uncetainty, difficulty, pain, fear.
Did you know that in the Buddhist tradition Tibetian monks actually pray for difficulty because they know that it is the only way to grow?
I don’t want it all to be pretty – it’s a combination of loss and gain. Things are born, live and hang in limbo. That’s what life’s about.
Cornelia Parker
The Way THRough
We get through these uncertain spaces quicker when we feed ourselves with the sweetness of being here, in all the spaces and places. Even the most horrific ones. Experience them as the thresholds to greatness and abundance.
There is only ‘no way through’ when we are unable to see the possibility of a single ray of sun.
Or if enclosed in an elevator, a bomb shelter or your own uncertain mind – of a single, beautiful breath.
There is always possibility and freedom in this space, liminal and yet infinitely unlimited.
And always believe, as Kenia tattooed on her side body the other day, the sun will rise.
Miraculous Spaces
It is truly a miracle that I am here sharing these thoughts, and in some other place and time, you will be receiving them.
Just another transition – opportunity – as we pass through and learn together.
Something to be incredibly grateful for.
And so, in this space of thought – the good, the bad, the light or the dark – may we trust.
And seize.
These last days of the year – no ending, no beginning. Just a continuation of the blessings of a moment. Every moment that we feel grateful for just another breath as we see ourselves with curiosity to the other side of the miracle.
May we seize life in all of our wholeness.
Because freezing without a daily fight is not an option for fully human beings like you and me.
Resources
Further Reading
- How To Transcend Fear & Anxiety – On Becoming Fearless
- You Are Doing Your Life Right – How To Embrace Our Vulnerability & Fear
Meditations For Times of Transition
I‘m Feeling Unsteady Guided Meditation, 20 Minutes
Trusting Yourself Guided Meditation, 13 Minutes
Deep Connection Guided Meditation, 15 Minutes
Return Home to Harmony & Ease Guided Meditation, 12 Minutes
Managing Fear & Anxiety Guided Meditation, 23 Minutes
I Choose To Feel Grateful Today Guided Meditation, 10 Minutes
