I remember when I read this term being whole. I was in my 30’s and it sounded so right. For a long time, I couldn’t exactly define it. I mean, I knew that I wanted to be authentic, kind, and calm. Strong and open to learning. And I wanted to glue myself to legit values. I was a new mom. So above all, I wanted to be an example for my daughter. Show by example how to be (and do) love. But how would I become this? A whole, fully human being? I decided to focus on the word LOVE. It seemed like a good beginning. And that is when I understood what I needed to focus on first. I would first have to deal with love’s opposite. FEAR. The pursuit of wholeness became about becoming fearless first.
Now I only had to figure out how I would actually do this when so many things scared the hell out of me!
A major ingredient in finding oneself is finding and facing one’s fears. We simply cannot love ourselves or our lives when we are afraid to see what we are afraid of and show up for it.
Danger and The Pursuit of Becoming Fearless
My pursuit for fearlessness brought me to understand some really fundamental truths about our tendency to cling film on to fear and anxiety, and what it means to move towards fullness and freedom.
Above all, I realized that becoming fearless has nothing to do with eliminating fear. And it has everything to do with becoming this whole, fully human kind of being.
Fear is built into our survival. To be fearless is to be humanless.
Travis Eliot, C0-Founder IDTV
Fear is meant to serve us when there is real danger. We need to feel fearful in dangerous situations. Fear is a natural brake system. It was created to protect us.
As Luvvie Ajayi Jones writes, Fear is God’s way of making sure we’re not being utterly stupid and jumping off mountains without parachutes.
However, too often irrational or exaggerated fear has the ability to destroy our dreams and intentions. We literally freeze in it.
Fear of discomfort, loss, failure. Disapproval. Not belonging. We weren’t born with this type of fear.
This is why it is so important to be able to decifer between real danger and perceived danger. Truth and stories.
And to remember that our pursuit is not about never being scared.
I don’t believe that we can overcome fear in our lives. Because as we said, it is a part of our fabric of being human.
It will always be a constant battle for us. Life will always present us with really frightening stuff.
It will also always provide us with the opportunity to choose: freeze or seize.
The DNA of Courage
This is a reminder: We are courageous until someone or something convinces us otherwise – a person, our education, the media. All these things teach us to be fearful. (Tip: stop watching the news.)
We forget that just as fear is an innate part of being human, so is courage. It is embedded in our DNA. We were born courageous.
Children are courageous. They are experts of risk and discomfort.
When we learned how to walk we didn’t fall down and give up because we were scared. We kept going until we succeeded.
Our goal is not to become fearless. It is to refind this courage. And learn to respond to and transcend our fear. Move through and past it.
Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue.
Maya Angelou
Becoming Fearless & Transcending Fear – 5 Guidelines
Transcending fear is understanding that every time life gets super scary, it is an opportunity to get to know ourselves. To put our practice of courage into action and activate qualities like honesty, patience, inner strength, acceptance, love, and compassion.
Every time we transcend our fear and anxiety we meet a version of ourselves for the first time. You meet an always higher version of you.
We transcend fear when we know who we are and our convictions scream louder than the pounding of our heart. When your convictions scream: JUST DO IT.
This is courage.
So how do we do this? Here are a few guidelines.
Becoming fearless – Guideline #1: Is Not Expecting Fear To Go Away
YOU WILL ALWAYS BE SCARED. IT IS OK. It is more than ok. It’s necessary.
Everyone experiences fear. People who do really terrifying things or thrive in extremely scary experiences are not doing it without fear.
They charge ahead despite the fear. They know that this is the only choice when the goal is to live life fully.
Once you understand this you can stop resisting or putting on that, I am so calm and cool and not afraid of nothin’ face. You can stop hiding behind appearances and excuses.
Fear is no longer the deciding factor.
Our goal is to accept, soften, and reclaim our control. Our goal is to focus less on the fear and make it all about our courage. Going back to our original state.
Becoming Fearless – Guideline #2: Is Knowing That Most Fear Exists Only In Our Mind
Not everything is a bomb about to go BOOM.
Fear can either make us weaker or it can be our compass for growth. The fact is that most fear is not of the rational fear of danger keeping us safe breed.
The system that rules our lifestyle is based on not only fear, but terrorism.
Everything is an emergency. Have you noticed this?
The thing is, the more we listen, the more we believe.
We are victims of a form of conditioning that acts like a power washer on our brains, but instead of cleaning out the dirty, it washes out the empowering.
Conditioning entangles our mind with all types of fear. And our mind begins to tell us stories of all the things we should be afraid of and it doesn’t stop.
Worry, anxiety, paranoia, obsession, full-out phobia. Fear feeds on fear. It reproduces itself without love and without limit.
When this happens our mind is no longer able to serve us. And either is fear as it was intended to serve our life.
Fear affects our thoughts, words, and actions. It takes over our power and our life. We become afraid of everything.
Our goal is to redirect our focus and return to what is true. What is happening now. What we actually have control over. Our breath. The present moment. Our innate courage.
Becoming Fearless – Guideline #3: Means Understanding That Fear Is Your Compass
When we learn to transcend fear we realize that fear can be our compass.
Whatever you are afraid of is indicating to you that it is something you need to work on. We usually ignore these things. We hide behind excuses.
When we are able to put on our big girl or boy pants and face the fear, we open ourselves to possibilities of growth. It leads us to a new place. Fear always shows us exactly where we need to go for the breakthrough.
So do things that take your breath away, make you tremor, cause your heart to pound outside of your chest, and make you go into a cold sweat.
What is right for us is often scary, uncomfortable, and uneasy.
The goal: Do the scary, uncomfortable, and uneasy.
When you see that you are ok on the other side of fear and anxiety, anything beomes possible. Fear becomes your compass to confidence. It is like a muscle. The more you train it and the more you allow it to guide you, the more confident you become. This is what it feels like to be fearless.
Becoming Fearless – Guideline #4: Requires Knowing How To Set Your Boundaries
Fear is very clever. It knows how to use a fake persona to avoid scary and anxiety provoking experiences. And this persona is often, the good guy. Compassionate. Just. Correct.
So we have something scary to say, but we don’t say it because we don’t want to hurt feelings.
We know that we should do something terrifying like leaving a job or relationship, but we stay because we have responsibility to others.
Maybe we want to make a choice for our health, but it is too terrifying to be different so we say that we are doing it for the good of all. Underneath is the thought: I just want to belong.
We make choices because we are too scared to muddy the waters. Compassion. Justice. Ethics. They are often excuses to hide our fear behind.
I am doing it for him, her, them when it is really fear holding you back.
Can you recognize this? If yes, get honest. Man (or woman) it up. Set boundaries for yourself. Be courageous enough to think, speak, and act the truth. Transcend the fear.
Becoming Fearless – Guideline #5: Is Getting Intimate And Showing Up With Commitment
We must open ourselves up to honesty in order to separate real fear from all those decades of conditioning. From the post, How To Understand When You Must Redefine Your Life
Transcending fear and anxiety requires knowing ourselves intimately and it requires COMMITMENT. ACTION. Over and over again.
Without these two things we will not be able to find a way to get ourselves unstuck – suck it up and plunge forward into the dark and scary of our life.
Honesty – Courage – Action – Confidence. In this order.
So how do you find the courage when sometimes simply showing up in your little world is absolutely terrifying?
How do you find the courage when even small stuff causes you to stick to small, comfortable places like you are standing in a closet with crazy glue under your feet?
YOU REMEMBER AND YOU QUESTION. THEN YOU DECIDE.
- Remember who you are. So who are you? Really.
- Remember what you want and what matters most. What matters to you, only you? Really.
- Remember that you are here once and only once. At the end of your life what do you want to remember? What do you want to say you have done?
- Remember that you are a Courageous Badass. What happened the last time you put on your courage and did something that made your knees weak? Did you survive?
- Remember the after feeling of fearlessness. How did you feel every time you committed yourself to pushing past the fear and anxiety?
- Remember the alternative. What will you miss out on? Who? How do you feel when you don’t show up for yourself? How will it affect your life?
Transcending Fear And Anxiety Means Choosing Our Place In The World
Fear makes us make bad choices for our life, and although we are not fortune tellers of our destiny, many times the situations we get ourselves into are avoidable.
We can choose to practice transcending fear and reclaim our life. Our freedom. From the post, 7 Mindset Makeovers – How to Switch From Self-Sabotaging To Best Self
Let’s get completely honest. Life is not gonna get less scary. Many of us are really afraid for ourselves, our people, and the world on a daily basis.
Whether huge or tiny – real, uncalled for, or contrived – we are experiencing a real live experience. It is here.
We are all fighting personal battles with the world, the system, and some other really huge stuff. But the thing we must face before all else is ourself.
We can blame everyone and everything. However, the battle against fear and anxiety is mostly about our own insecurities and emotional baggage. And, it is our responsibility to do the work.
We don’t have to let fear and anxiety consume us.
Transcending fear means to stop letting fear own us and instead ask ourselves:
- What is this experience asking of me?
- Have I survived this level of difficulty or discomfort in the past?
- What am I giving up or missing out on by giving up on myself and giving into fear and anxiety?
- How will I feel by choosing to respond?
- And if you are parents, grandparents, or anyone who is a role model for a child, what example am I giving?
- What fears am I passing onto the people I love, especially my children?
Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions.
Hafiz, persian poet
So my practice of transcending fear lies in me always returning the focus towards myself.
It is my responsibility and I have choices.
Sure, I cannot control everything. I cannot predict the future. I cannot avoid scary situations.
And I can avoid situations that feed my fear. I can nurture self-study and commit to my best self. And I can practice being more courageous and stop living with the plastic on the couch.
Every day I can remove a bit of the bubble wrap.
Final Note – I Fear
I have tons of fears. I doubt that I will be able to overcome all of them in my lifetime. For now, I am taking them head on one at a time.
Every morning I return to what I want my life to feel like, what kind of person I strive to be, and how I can be an even better example for my daughters.
And I remember that all of this depends on how much I am willing to allow fear and anxiety to limit my potential and my life. My power is within me.
We have a silent space inside of us. This space helps us to navigate through the fear, anxiety, and any challenge life presents us with.
All we have to do is remind ourselves to go within, take another breath, and tap into our courage.
I remember that living in fear is scarier than whatever is on the other side.
Actually, when I do get to the other side, I am usually saying something like: Hey, that wasn’t so bad.
And this, darling friend, is how we transcend the fear and anxiety, and begin to intentionally choose our place in the world.
A Final Mantra For Courage
May we wake up each day, feeling our own power, be devoted to our vision, and walk into fear with our greatest asset leading the way – our courage.
May we show our former scaredy-cat self what it looks like to transcend into fierce and fearless.
And may we be brave enough to choose our place in this often terrifying, always glorious world.
The incredible courage in me honors the increadible courage in you.
Extra Resources
- YOU ARE DOING LIFE RIGHT – How To Embrace Our Vulnerability And Fear
- 7 MINDSET MAKEOVERS – Switching From Self-Sabotaging To Best Self
- HOW TO REDUCE STRESS IN YOUR MIND AND BODY – 6 Yoga Poses Even Non Yogis Need To Know
- CLICK HERE FOR My YouTube Channel @inspiredwithdanni for Guided Meditation to relieve fear and anxiety. Here are a few suggestions.
