How To Choose Yourself First - Lessons On Paying Attention

Today I was reminded how important it is to choose yourself first. This is how it happened. I was writing this week’s post when I noticed something really important. Actually many things.

A burning in the back of my neck. A locked jaw. Just about every muscle in my face tense. My breath being held. A tight heart. My mind wandering to thoughts about all the emotions I am experiencing in this period.

The stress I felt about feeling somehow late for some unpinpointable thing and everything at the same time. The desire to be here for all the people waiting in line for my attention. And concern about not being able to be here.

As I typed, I was undeniably unpresent to the words and completely aware of my need to get away from my current position behind the computer – fingers punching away at the keyboard, neck burning, jaw locked, muscles tense, breath held, heart tight, mind wandering.

One deeper moment of attention.

Long enough to remember to pay attention. I looked up, my fingers simultaneously halting to an abrupt stop. My inner voice whispering: You need to breathe now. And so I did.

I took a breath. I brought my gaze to what was happening outside my monkey mind and tense body.

There was a beautiful day happening. One of the last days of a Summer fading away. A perfect day.

And with my next breath, the inner voice whispering once again. This time it was saying, Think outside of your box. Move away from the plan. Seize it now.

And with this, the voice repeating one of m y top 10 daily reminders, This day, once and only once.

It was a pivotal moment. I believe that these moments of paying attention always are.

Paying Attention

I will never ask anything of you that I do not ask of myself first and foremost.

From the beginning I promised you total transparency, I am here to share my living practice with you along with the totality of my life (at least the part of it that is my story to share).

And this is what this simple post is about.

Honesty. Sharing. Inviting.

So I ask you, along with myself:

Are you paying attention?
What are you prioritizing?
What are you believing that you need to do?
What are you believing won’t survive your absence?
What will happen if you decide to go completely off plan and do something else?
What will happen, really?
What happens when you choose to notice as compared to when you don’t?

Let me answer this last one for you:

You stop.
You return to what matters.
You feel yourself in your life.
You choose to choose and do not choose by not choosing.
You begin to choose yourself first.

Tell me what you are paying attention to and I will tell you who you are.
Jose Ortega Gasset

Choose Yourself First – Today I Choose Me

So after I looked up and out, I took another breath. I returned and I chose.

The post I had planned for this week can wait for next week.

Noone will die. There will be no suffering.

On the contrary, by choosing to write the words that I am writing right now, I am fully living my practice. I am walking the talk.

I am being intentional instead of letting autopilot control me.

Also, I am living the transparency I wish to share with you. This is so fundamental for me. Truly.

I reinforce the power of going off course.

And I choose an entirely different day and week. A day and week lived from the overflow rather than the overwhelm I was quickly being lured into by sticking to plan.

Right now, I am choosing myself first. And I invite you to choose yourself first too.

Let’s not get so rigid in our responsibilities, schedules, and plans that we miss the beauty and power of choosing to suddenly switch directions. Of choosing ourselves first.

So today I dare to say, not always, Mr. Franklin.

If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail,
Benjamin Franklin

Choose Yourself First – Overwhelm to Overflow

In last week’s post, HOW TO LIVE IN THE FLOW – ACCEPTING THE IMPERM ANENCE OF LIFE, I shared with you all that I have been experiencing. A beautiful, turbulent, emotionally packed Summer.

This Summer. I have been supporting so many people. And this is so important to me. Being here for the people I love. Being here for people. So I will continue to do so.

And at the same time, with all the practical day-to-day stuff, it can feel like overwhelm.

Overwhelm today feels like not enough sleep, too much emotional movement, below zero mental silence, the need for a breath of air.

Having to write a blog post just because it was planned.

The words of a wise friend come to mind. Dear, you simply cannot supply on empty.

And this is what it is. Often when we obsess over sticking to our perceived obligations – sticking to the plan – we are trying to work on empty. However, when on empy, nothing works.

How can it? When in overwhelm nothing flows.

So why would intelligent, intuitive human beings like you and me attempt to continue checking off items on our list from a state of exhaustion when putting them off for a while would be the best choice?

Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.
Anne Lamot

The Daily Drain

As time passes, I realize that the daily drain is not as much physical as it is mental and emotional.

Sure we get tired physically. But it is the brain and heart that get the life sucked out of them most of the time.

Getting from here to there, caring for a sick child, doing 5 loads of laundry, taking the dog for a walk, going food shopping, preparing dinner, planning the get together, and checking off a certain number of boxes each day is doable until you ask me to do all of this while supporting an overload of mental and emotional activity – and not only my own. Especially not directly my own.

Often the real overload is not about our normal, daily obligations.

Emotionally supporting others can be as heavy as carrying a grown elephant over your shoulders.

After all, the fully feeling heart of a fully human being can only take so much.

I know many of you are feeling this as well. Thank you so much for sharing this just too much with me. Keep your messages coming. 🙏❤️

So this is this week’s post. Just another reminder for all of us to SLOW DOWN and SUPPLY OURSELVES FIRST so we go from overwhelm to overflow.

If you have the ability to love, love yourself first.
Charles Bukowski

What I Remembered During This Week’s Pivotal Moment

What matters most.
That most things can wait.
That our perceptions of must do are terribly distorted.
Always choose purpose over plan.
That people appreciate how you live much more than what you accomplish.
That not choosing self-care and self-love first is choosing something worse.
That I do not want overwhelm to be my go-to state of being.
That to live life from the overflow we need only make small adjustments.
That 30 minutes of sunshine is incredibly energizing.
Life is always shorter.
To seize the last days of Summer.
That writing my post free style in a notebook is wonderful.
To pay attention.
To pay attention to whom I am with when I feel my best.
Deeply connecting with Nature or another human being recharges every cell in my body.
To acknowledge what fills me and what drains me and to choose more of the first and less of the second.

Many of us feel stress and get overwhelmed not because we’re taking on too much, but because we’re taking on too little of what really strengthens us.
Marcus Buckingham

To Choose Yourself First – A Final Note

Darling friend, I invite you to grasp onto what feels right. I mean hold on real tight.

You do this by remembering not to focus on what it looks like, how much you get done, what you planned. And instead focus on how it feels. How you feel.

So if you are feeling overwhelmed and as a result, conflicted in-between your obligations and your needs, sort them out.

Look at what you believe is necessary from a different perspective. Prioritize and begin to slim it down.

We cannot be everywhere. We cannot be everything for everyone.

You will forget this.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
Maya Angelou

So write yourself a post-it: I must prioritize where I offer my energy. It is limiited and it is precious.

And ask yourself:

Will anyone die?
Will anyone suffer?
Can I skip this or put this off?
Can I punch my perfectionism in the gut today?
What really needs my attention?
Where will my energy benefit most?
How does what I am doing make me feel?
What can I do today to fill my cup?

Choosing Authenticity

I could have taken a little break and then returned to writing the blog post as planned. But this would have been me choosing the plan over my need to feel free to choose not to write it. It would not have felt authentic.

This post, the one you have almost finished reading, does.

I wrote it easily – spontaneously in a notebook while sitting under a tree at the park – and with the deep understanding that today’s post is the post that I was meant to write.

When we choose ourselves first, whatever we do feels just perfect. It holds a purpose that the plan often lacks.

And as a result, whatever we do – big, small, difficult, easy, planned or off plan – will always be more than enough.

And isn’t this why we are here – me writing, you reading?

So that we remember to remind ourselves as many times as it takes that we are human beings and not human doings.

So that we can confidently answer, YES I CAN to the question: Can you feel the fullness even when you are unable to fulfill the expectations?

Being enough is about feeling fully human no matter what happens or doesn’t happen. This is our living practice. This is it.

May we live from the overflow of what feels meaningful for us. May we remember to live our practice by choosing ourselves first. And may we remember that sometimes it starts with just a little more attention and an extra breath.

(So maybe start with this. T HE JOY OF BREATH 10 Minute Guided, Breath Meditation. ❤

HAVE YOU BEEN CHOOSING YOURSELF FIRST THESE DAYS? Share your thoughts and experience in the comments below.

Also reminding you to set a date for your 7 Day Self-Care Challenge. All the info when you CLICK HERE. And Subscrib e HERE for the UPGRADE to receive your FREE 7 Day Self-Care Challenge CHECKLIST!

My heart reaching out to yours,

inspiredwithdanni

How To Choose Yourself First – Lessons On Paying Attention

This Day, Once and Only Once

Paying Attention

Choose Yourself First – Today I Choose Me