It is pouring outside. Strong winds. The 40 degree temperatures that were the normal here in Central Italy much of the Summer have been suddenly substituted with 20 degree weather. That end of Summer feeling has arrived from one day to the next. Here it is: The impermanence of life.
And here I am pouring my heart out with you.
Attention: This post is meant to connect us and not bring us down. Grasping is normal and we can go beyond. If you are feeling anything similar to what I share here, let’s figure it out together. You are not alone.
Here we go…
Resistance and Reminders
I am happy for the rain. The relief. And at the same time, that creepy feeling of change is creeping in. I order my soy cappuccino. I am at my local coffee bar.
My eyes glance down at the front page of the newspaper as I wait. Headline: Alert! In 9 Regions Risk of Damage Provoking Storms. All the damage in Emilia Romagna this past May returns to mind.
In a small box: Young girl raped by baby gang. I think of my teen daughters and all the nights they stayed out late this Summer. The thought of their safety was often a concern for both my husband and I.
I pick up my phone and open Instagram. A post. 5 Mass Shootings this past weekend in the US.
The entire time my compassionate inner voice saying: Let go.
Whatever you are afraid of is indicating to you that it is something you need to work on. Fear always shows us exactly where we need to go for the breakthrough.
From The Post, How To Transcend Fear and Anxiety – On Becoming Fearless
I think to myself: What if I don’t want to accept all of this as normal? Violence. Fear. People losing everything. This World. Life constantly changing. Even that Summer must come to an end.
(Let go.)
A hundred thoughts in mere seconds serving as a reminder. Time for me to dedicate more time to non-attachment and accepting the impermanence of everything.
I am grasping. Grasping is not good.
Grasping – trying to hold onto the unholdable. Attempting to control the permanence of the impermanent. Freezing the flow.
Again, this is what we will be contemplating together today.
Explaining Impermanence To My Teen Daughter
“The summer is almost over,” Bianca Jade said to me the other morning. Her body was lifelessly abandoned on my bed, sleepy eyes and a sad pout dominating her pretty, tanned face.
“I know you are sad about it. I know that you love seeing your friends whenever you want to. Staying up late. Going to parties. I know that you would want this moment to last forever. But, honey, it can’t. Life isn’t made that way. Seasons change, things change. We change. This is the impermanence of life.
We let go of something and open our hearts to something new. When everything seems perfect, like a summer spent with friends, it is difficult to accept that you can’t keep this feeling with you forever. However, learning to let go will make you stronger and happier in the end,” responded my well-practiced, centered self.
I doubt that she noticed. I was reminding myself most of all.
Don’t resist it baby… if you do nothing will flow.
Bianca Jade just looked at me as she curled her body into a ball. I didn’t expect my words to be comforting for her.
She is 15. Nothing is meant to feel impermanent at that age. Especially the feeling of teen freedom in the Summer.
The Impermanence of Summer’s Brief Relief
My family has been teasing me for days: It’s only the first of June, and Mom’s already sad because the Summer is going by too fast.
It’s true. I want so badly for it all to last that I miss it before it’s begun. Which means, if I’m not carful, that I might just miss it altogether.
Katrina Kenison
Summer always gives many of us temporary relief from reality.
For the blessed ones, it is a a series of brief escapes from what has become normal. Beaches, outdoor concerts and festivals, vacations, dinners with friends, a better type of normal. Momentary buffers.
It goes by so quickly, as does life. Quicker and quicker these days.
This Summer. Gosh, I feel as if I didn’t get a chance to taste it. Feel it on my skin. Why didn’t I eat more tomatoes?
My mind sits with everything I planned to do, but for some reason or another never found the time to schedule in. Emotions not lived. Substituted by ones I did not ask for.
I barely remember how I spent my time these past months.
I ask myself, how is this possible when I spend so much time practicing awareness and full presence?
Reminder: You are not praticing your way to perfect. Detach from this idea of perfection. Stop grasping.
As Summer comes to an end and a new season is ready to take up our space with shorter days, cooler temperatures, and a different pace, change is inevitable. What is normal changes.
Change. Why is it so unsettling? Why does it never seem to get easier to not cling and grasp? And if I have trouble with accepting impermanence of life, how can I possibly explain it to my 15 year old daughter?
Words About Normality & Impermanence
Some days I feel as if I just can’t grasp it. I am talking about the moment, the day, my emotions, my life.
In the end I am reminded that there is never anything to grasp. Just everything to be with, love, and embrace.
From The Post, You Are DoinG Your Life Right – How To Embrace Our Vulnerability And FEar
Words & Sensations Of An Abnormal Summer
It has been a strange Summer for me. Mixed with sincere gratitude and emotional exhaustion. Abnormal or perfectly normal? Good? Bad? Just perceptions of a moment.
I know that this is how it is meant to be. It just doesn’t feel this way right now. And that this too will change.
Maybe in the next minute or two. Maybe later today or next month. Some day soon I will see the perfection that I am unable to see today. Just like every other time in the past.
This is what I remind myself right now.
If I had to sum this Summer up in words they would be.
- beautiful, growing girls
- listening
- love and unity
- music
- watching sunflowers
- important conversations in bed
- deep connection
- gratitude
- personal growth
- staying calm
- watermelon and white peaches
- Sunday night dinners
- days of perfect weather
- cold showers
- moments of bliss
- decisions
- drop-offs
- late night pickups
- text messages after midnight
- sleepless nights
- extreme heat
- mice
- fever, swollen gums and canker sores
- daily, energy draining phone conversations
- confusion
- indecision
- tears and tears for others
- helplessness
- duality
Seeking Support
I messaged a friend last week.
I was facing emotions that often rise up between seasons. Call it change of season scaries. Grasping syndrome. I felt vulnerable. It was one of my rare, see it all black moments.
This is what I wrote.
I am having a hard time dealing with the end of Summer. It brings me back to this feeling of global unrest. Things unrecuperable.
The quarantine is gone, but I still feel immobile. I still feel the impact of 9/11. This too never went away. Things never go back to before.
And OMG everything else. I see most people going around faking it. Like everything is fine. I look beyond the smiling faces and colorful drinks poured in pretty glasses and filled with ice. I witness fear and doubt. Am I wrong?
There are days when my mind just cannot connect. The Summer was filled with so many emotions. So many people needing to be listened to. So many external energetic drainers. It feels like there are decisions that are impossibile to make. It feels like alot.
Not every day is this way. I am doing so many things that I love. I feel loved. Blessed.
But then, just when my mind clears and my body begins to relax, and I start thinking that I have it all together again (LOL), the heaviness re-surfaces.
And along with it, a voice on replay:
The world is messed up. I have no clue. And I have absolutely no idea what to do. Why can’t things just be normal?
As I said these last words I was so incredibly aware that they made no sense. Normal makes no sense.
Normality is like a butterfly that often hovers just beyond your grasp, then suddenly rests upon the back of your hand, pauses for a moment, and then moves on.
Normality is subject to this inevitable, constant change.
The secret to living fully is seeing the beauty in each brief moment when it appears before your eyes.
And at the same time accepting that even this may never feel like enough. So just let go.
Honest, Uncomforting, Necessary Words
I shared with her my desire to feel the flow again. I was expecting her to write me something like, This too shall pass. You will be ok.
Instead this is what she messaged me back: BECOME THE ROCK.
(Seriously!)
In that moment, I wanted to be cuddled and craddled with words that would remove the responsibility from me and transfer it to the other people dragging me down and world events. I wanted her to tell me that I was doing all that I could do. For her to confirm to me that nobody in my position could do any better.
I wanted her to tell me that I was only acting normal. Basically, I wanted her to lie. Tell me it was fine.
And yet, I understood these three words perfectly. I knew that she was reminding me of what she knew that I already knew. I knew that she was giving me just what I needed.
A truth bomb of a reminder.
Be In What Needs To Be Done. Let Go Of The Rest. Be Here Now. Be The Rock.
Nevertheless, her message did not soothe me any more than my words soothed Bianca Jade.
Me: I had been the rock many times in the past. What was preventing me from becoming one now?
Me: You are grasping darling. It is normal. It is ok. Now change.
Impermanence of Life & Grasping Onto Normal
I have this eerie sensation that everything from now on will be stagnantly abnormal. I am not sure if I am talking about my life, the world, or both.
May 25, 2020
What Is Normal?
Mass shootings in schools. Constant emergency alerts scrolling at the bottom of a screen. Violence. Hate. Anger. Separation. This has become our normal.
I spoke to a friend the other day. She told me her daughter is afraid to go to school. I am sure that many of you know a child or parent who feels this fear.
Things I contemplate:
- Can we accept this?
- Should we?
- Where does non-attachment fit here?
- Isn’t it normal to want something better?
Changes – Individual & Global
Our lives change constantly. Every day on an individual level and a global level. What is normal today, surely won’t be tomorrow. Better? Worse? Yes and yes.
In my own life, change is all around me. The impermanence of life is coming at me straight on, It is blinding at times.
My daughters are growing more independent. They are experiencing beautiful emotions and they are experiencing difficult emotions for the first time. Excitement. Anticipation. Satisfaction. Doubt. Fear. Love. Loss. Heartbreak. Attachment. Letting go. Change.
My father-in-law has lost his memory and along with this his independence has changed and so has our responsibility.
We are dealing with illness. More potential loss. Change.
My husband and I are making shifts. Re-meeting one another’s personal needs and desires for our relationship and life together. Change.
Thoughts and desires for what I want my life to feel like has changed.
At the same time, on a global level, the change is huge. Overwhelming. Abnormal. It affects all of us. Nobody spared. Let me just ask you something: Do you feel it?
Our Desire To Remain The Same
It is crazy, but even though most of us don’t have the perfect life before, we often tend to want that life back. Because even if things weren’t perfect, we knew that life. It feels safe.
Isn’t it funny how life always seems easier before?
Once again, our perception of this normality is what we get attached to. Attachment to the familiarly comforting. Normal. Unchanged.
Life feels like a gift. Life feels entangled. Which predominates depends on the moment.
Perhaps the only thing normal is this certainty of change and this impermanence of life.
I imagine many of you nodding your head in agreement right now.
What I am Really Grasping On To
I keep trying to hold onto the season – or rather the memory of slower, less emotionally charged Summers of the past. Perceived as better sometimes when I am attached to an idea of what Summer should feel like. How I should have been.
As if there were a normal Summer feeling for all.
I believe I am attached to this Summer more than any other.
My daughters are attached to an amazing feeling and situations lost.
I, on the other hand, am attached to something I failed to feel as if feeling it all wasn’t enough.
As if only I had more time, I could make up for missed time.
I was so wrapped up in my stuff. Other people’s stuff. Thoughts and emotions. Too many emotions hitting me from left and right.
And poof! Time has expired.
Reminder: Time is never missed. It all belongs. Detach from the idea.
Becoming The Rock
I asked my husband last night, “Honey, are you a river or a rock?” “I am a river,“ he immediately said, confirming my own thoughts. And then I thought: Who am I?
Rivers are free flowing. And so they twist and push against rocks and rough edges. They want to move over and under at their own damned pace. And they can get wild. Unpredictable. The way it moves symbolizes impermanence.
We can try to make a river a rock, but we will fail every time.
A rock remains a rock even during a storm, even during a flood, even when everything around it changes. A rock does not grasp. It accepts the impermance of its environment and lets be. It adapts without having to move an inch.
It’s funny because for a long time I thought that in order to thrive in our on the road lifestyle, I needed to be the river. But, we already had a river in the family.
Instead my family needed me to be the rock.
No longer blocking or resisting. Immobily fluid. No longer separated from the rivers of my life.
Rocks Can Still Seek Better
So does becoming the rock mean that we should not seek to make things better or believe that things will get better? Of course not.
We can be solid. We can accept change and impermanence and let go and still believe, hope, and strive for better.
As far as grasping onto something like the good or bad feeling of a season or period of our life, we focus on letting go of the expectations. That anything can last forever.
We let go of the negative emotions associated with the desire for the experience to be different.
It is about the parts of life that we allow ourselves to be open to and the parts of life we shut ourselves down to.
Shutting down is caused by grasping. We go nowhere.
So whether it is the end of Summer, a change in our personal life, or the really disturbing stuff we learn about the world, we practice transcending the likes from the dislikes.
We practice not being frozen in our perception of the experience.
We will have moments of great resistance, sadness, anger, hatred, and fear.
The goal is to have these moments without shutting ourselves down. Without grasping to the emotion, good or bad.
As long as we have them with our permission, with awareness – we remind ourselves that it is ok. Just by fully acknowledge the emotion, we begin the practice of letting go.
And our life continues to flow.
We are offering space for a full experience. And we are also making space for something better.
Impermanence of Life – Grasp or Grow
Both my daughters are sad. They love Summer. So do I.
Summer arrived.
And then poof! The impermanence of life arrives. Things change without warning as if blown away with the hot Summer breeze.
With it comes a sense of loss, disappointment, ending.
Situations, people, emotions. Fear of what may or may not be.
Lots of attachment to overcome. Ungrasping to do.
And, life goes on even for my teen girls. For all of us. Hopefully with lessons to be learned.
A Few Lessons – What To Remember About Accepting Impermanence of Life
- Life is not a rock. It is a river.
- What you and I think is normal today, will soon be a memory of how we believed things should be for us.
- We are conditioned. How it should be. How we should be. Normal. Unchanged. For a lifetime. So doubt your certainties and perception of things. Are they yours?
- Normal is a liar. A cheat. A major cause of grasping. It causes us to suffer.
- We can only control how we respond to every experience.
- We cannot control what others transmit. We can control what we choose to receive.
- Some things, especially regarding the world, are completely out of our control.
- Sadness is a choice. So is disappointment. They are difficult to let go of, but not impossilbe. Battle negative emotions with gratitude. Keep redirecting your focus to the good in your life.
- Everything changes. Understanding this is the first step towards acceptance.
- The concept of impermanence is scary. Resisting it is even scarier. It will cause you to miss your life.
- Graping and growing cannot coexist. When we grasp, we cease to grow.
Final Positive Note
Today is September 1st. August has been an emotional rollercoaster. Beautiful and difficult. Connection and separation. Clarity and confusion. Laughter and tears held and wiped away.
Actually all Summer has been like this for me.
As I loosen my hold on what is not serving me, I hold tightly onto the duality of life. I find it incredibly soothing.
There is always going to be the sour and thank goodness there is also always going to be the super sweet.
And so, I realize once again how true it is when we say life is a practice.
I realize once again how magnificently resilient, strong, and divine we are.
So darling friend, if you are feeling emotional and overwhelmed by your grasping, whether it is to Summer days, easier times in your life, or desires of normality for the world – remember your power. And keep practicing.
Repeat along with me:
- I am here now.
- I shall look again.
- I will listen with my heart.
- Thank you for it all.
- May I seize each experience and each day.
- May I bulid something new.
- I’m letting it go, letting it flow.
May we feel confident that with the coming of Fall things will change, we shall embrace it, and with this a new light shall rise within and without. Better or not, this is the flow.
Summer tells the rock, “I am fleeting away“. The Rock says, “That’s ok.” Fall tells the Rock, “I am on my way“. The Rock says, “That’s just fine“. The Future tells the Rock, “You don’t know what will happen“. “No, I don’t.“, confirms the Rock. “Are you scared?“, persists the Future. “Of course not, I am a rock!“, says the Rock.
If my words resonate with you, please let me know. I would love to hear from you. CONTACT ME HERE. ALSO SUBSCRIBE FOR THE FREE WEEKLY UPGRADE. CLICK HERE.
This is the perfect season to take on the 7 DAY SELF-CARE CHALLENGE – CLICK HER FOR INFO.
Resources
The Study – Further Reading
YOU ARE DOING LIFE RIGHT – How to Embrace Our Vulnerability And Fear
7 MINDSET MAKEOVERS – Switching From Self-Sabotaging To Best Self
HOW TO UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU MUST REDEFINE YOUR LIFE
USING CONFUSION AS THE BEST KICK-IN-THE-BUTT FOR PERSONAL GROWTH
The Practice – Guided Meditations
I’M FEELING UNSTEADY Guided Meditation
TRUSTING YOURSELF Guided Meditation
