Three weeks into the new year and I already feel like time is escaping me. All week I kept thinking to myself: I need to pay more attention. So yesterday, I intentionally decided not to post on the blog this week, and then….
I changed my mind.
I decided that not posting was not the solution. Instead I would pay more attention. Post in a more attentive way. Post in a different, sustainable for me way.
This week was an experiment. An experiment regarding TIME.
And I am thinking that it may inspire you to experiment as well.
It is a common story called the daily grind: Wake up. Get through a day. Remember close to nothing. Start again. The end.
Pay More Attention – My Goals In A Nutshell
My mantra of the week: Pay More Attention.
If you missed it, my word for 2024 is ATTENTION. And by this I mean paying ATTENTION TO LIFE. All of it.
It is extremely challenging. But I didn’t expect any less than this. Paying attention to our life is hard.
However, I am not going for 100% ATTENTION 100% of the time. No. I am aiming for 100% effort and 100% acceptance.
Less shifting the responsibility to everyone else and just noticing. Noticing where I am paying attention to life and what parts of my life I regularly ignore.
This past week, I got intentional. I dropped stuff off the list and prioritized. This week was not about sticking to schedules or producing.
A big part of me paying more attention involved deciding to take my time back. I chose what made me more happy instead of what I believed needed to be done. I chose where I wanted to spend it and I practiced letting go of the rest.
Much of our day is made up of things we believe we need to do. However, these things are often not essential and they do not fulfill us. On the contrary, too often they leave us feeling empty.
When we live with the gotta do mindset we remember little and miss everything.
After a while, we no longer remember what really matters to us.
The most frequently asked question of the week: WHAT MATTERS TO ME MOST?
My ‘Pay More Attention’ Experiment
Basically, this week I watched myself and my habits with a microscope. You know, like when you look into one of those 30x magnifying mirrors that shows you what you don’t want to see, but feel the need to observe. Every wrinkle, blemish, the finest of facial hairs.
Specifically, I examined how I choose my time. Where and when I fall deep into habit which too often leads to me saying ‘No’ to people and things that are important to me.
The goal?
- To choose my time better. And say, ‘YES’ as often as possible.
- To avoid falling into ‘I have to do this‘ mode for things that weren’t as important as what I wanted to do and had the freedom to do.
- To get to know myself better so I can become a more fullfilled me. A more attention-oriented me. A better me (and offer this me to others too).
Same me, just better. The other goal for this year. Remember?
My Choice: Stick To Schedule or Pay More Attention?
Just to let you know, I usually begin writing my blog posts on Monday (actually on Saturday when the week is going nice and smooth). I try to fit time in between all the other stuff I do every day.
If possibile, this week I was already feeling late two Fridays ago. 😉
So here it is. Thursday afternoon. I know that I want to write about ATTENTION. This is a great start! And I intend to knock a quick blog post out of me. Right now. Which is also great because one of my other intentions for this year is to keep this space even more real, more raw – emotionally packed, but also more time efficient for both you and I.
So what did I do instead of sticking to schedule? And more importantly, what did I learn by paying more attention?
This is what this week’s blog post is about. Here we go…
Me Choosing To Pay More Attention This Week
To Write or Not To Write – Choices About Time
Time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted.
John Lennon
I went to the mall twice this week. Both times, with my two teenage daughters. I don’t particularly like the mall. I won’t say that I hate it because I hate the word hate. But I do like going with my daughters. You could say that I went both times for my daughters.
After winning Day One of paying more attention by choosing to go with my daughters to the mall instead of sticking to schedule,
I already felt a little like a slacker, but I was ok.
I still had a bit of the afternoon to write, but then my husband asked me to go with him for a coffee.
Heck, it was only Monday and this paying attention to how I was spending my time was top priority – So I went.
As I sat down to write my blog post on Tuesday morning, the phone rang.
My husband told me that two of our dear friends would be coming for lunch.
My mind was already shifting towards overdrive, when I repeated my mantra (pay more attention).
So I closed my computer, and started preparing a quick, but extremely presentable meal with a smile. This is fundamental.
We had a nice time. Lunch ended just before dinner.
So it was no writing for Day Two because that evening I already had plans with other friends.
I was ok after asking myself the top question of the week: What matters most to me?
My answer: Certainly, my people.
I was on the right track.
More Intentions To Write, Better Choices
The trouble is, you think you have time.
Buddha
At this point, I had intentions to write my post on Wednesday. After having a fight with my husband (and trying to pay attention to my words), I decided to go to another mall (farther away and therefore a day event) with my daughters. For my daughters.
They were really happy. So, I was too.
I could have written my blog post after dinner, but I was so tired from the mall. Instead, my daughters and I cozied ourselves in bed with ice cream and a movie.
Was I going overboard or was I still prioritizing?
I reminded myself that time with them is important and fleeting. And besides, what would a few more hours do.
Thursday morning. After my regular yoga practice…
- A long phone call with my mom and then with a friend.
- A coffee break with my husband.
- A meal to prepare.
- Several requests from each of my daughters.
- Time lost looking a pair of tights my daughter absolutely needed RIGHT NOW.
Like blown by a strong wind, the morning was gone. And now here we are, 3pm. The day before my posting day. After about 30 minutes I have written all of this with my full attention.
Feeling like I can have my cake and eat it too.🍰🍰
Paying More Attention – A Week In The Life Of Me
With everything I chose to do instead of writing my blog post, I payed attention to my life. It felt as if I was really cultivating my time.
I learned that as with everything else, paying more attention takes practice and patience.
And the more we pay attention, the more we pay attention. To everything.
Paying More Attention To Feelings Of The Heart
This Is What I Noticed And Learned
- My daughter’s smile as she tried on the perfect pair of jeans. I could tell that she really wanted me there. What is more important than this?
- My other daughter’s hand wrapped around her boyfriend’s as they walked in front of me in the mall. It was so sweet. If I had decided to stay at my computer, I would have missed this.
- Black Adidas with pretty pink stripes left in the store because I do not need or want a thing. A feeling of freedom. And I owe this to paying more attention to what fills me and what could never.
- My husband’s frustration and anger. I noticed the transformation of every line on his face as it tensed up and then as it resoftened. I took time to observe this. I held more compassion because of this. And I remembered that time to notice him is important.
- A classmate’s photo from his recent wedding. It felt like a gift for my eyes and heart.
- Me mashing 3 perfectly ripened avocados. The bright green color. The creamy texture of my favorite food in my mouth and on my hands. And then the peace I felt as I squeezed lemon juice over them. This was me preserving something important. My time.
- Ice cream melting through warm bodies under warm covers. The delicious sensation of being safe and at home. In perfect company.
- The woman who took my book, The Sad Princess, in her hands and said that she would place it in the best spot in the store. Connection. Acknowledgement. Joy.
- The sound of water boiling as I chatted with a friend. Someone who understands my joy or pain as if it were hers because it is. Not insignificant. Not to be missed.
- My dad telling me he was in the hospital and that he was going to be alright. Feeling grateful and close despite the distance.
- My ma’ma sending me photos of notes she is finding around her home. So glad that I take the time to hide them.
More Learning: Feeling Legit And Safe
I also noticed and learned this...
- My YouTube channel finally reached 100 Followers this week. Insignifcant? Yes. Does it matter? Yes. What I am noticing – I am travelling by foot. It can be long and lonely. And I am learning that it is ok. I have time.
- Words I read right before shutting the lights. So amazingly fitting in that moment. “And there is a deep longing to feel legitimate in the world, to feel that others hold us in regard…. Just close your eyes and remember everything you already know…. Whatever happens to you belongs to you. Make it yours. Feed it to yourself even if it feels impossible to swallow. Let it nurture you, because it will. (from the book, Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed)” Paying attention to those words in that moment – like the perfect pair of jeans or ice cream flavor. Like walking hand-in-hand or love on a wedding day.
- Me up, unable to fall back to sleep. Listening to what might have been a mouse, but probably the wind as I pulled the blanket up higher and then made a choice. I turned my attention to the feeling in my body. Warmth. And to my husband’s arm tightly around me after an entire day of arguing. I chose to pay attention to his breath. Him here in peace. Sensations being: This is enough. I am safe. I can sleep now.
And… The song Drops of Jupitor (Tell Me) playing on the radio. Every word as if I never heard them before. Like they were reminding me to pay attention to my life and the risk of losing time. Encouraging me to stay with my soul vacation.
This life is a personal journey. Every day we have an opportunity to live even the ordinary extraordinarily. It is a choice. We need to choose. And to do this we must pay more attention.
People focus mostly on what happens to them during their time here on Planet Earth. How long we have. Little on what we choose to do with the time given.
Maybe it is time to stop living life with the main purpose of getting to the end safely as planned.
…Now that she’s back from that soul vacation
Drops of Jupiter, Train
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does Tae-Bo
Reminds me that there’s a-room to grow, hey, hey, yeah…
Final Note – About Time
This week was a week lived by choice. Intentionally.
A choosing of less habit, expectations, and stress and much more attention. A week. An experiment. So much difficulty. So much beauty.
As all life, really extraordinary when we pay more attention to it. All of it.
I learned so much from actually choosing where to focus my time. And although every week certainly won’t be like this one, I realized, above all, that I have the possibility of choosing.
This is not insignificant. It is actually pretty huge. A blessing. I am so aware that not everyone has this. Not even me.
Not choosing when we can seems like a crime from the place where I sit right now.
Time deserves to be honored. When it is abundant, easy, and special.
When it is coming to an end, difficult, and ordinary.
So this is the end of this week’s post. If you payed attention you will have found great value in it.
You may ask yourself: What matters to me most?
You may choose to take back control of your time.
Another Reminder: When we do not choose, we are choosing.
A Zen Story
There was a student who asked his zen teacher how long it would take for him to become enlightened. The teacher said, “7 years.”
The student said, “What if I practice double, then how long will it take me?” The teacher answered, “Well, then it will take you 14 years.”
The student persisted, insisting that more practice should shorten the time. The teacher said, “Now it will take you 21 years or more.”
Last reminder: You cannot effort your way into the practice of paying more attention. You have to ease your way with patience to a place of stillness. A place where choices are possible. It need not be agressive. The changes need not be extraordinary. Just pay attention. And put in the time.
BONUS CHECK-IN QUESTION: When you were reading this post, we you here? How often did you check-out? How often did your mind go elsewhere? Do not judge yourself. Just notice. And then proceeed from here.
Our living practice is just this. We are practicing every day to better ourselves. If we were already perfect, this life would be a performance. We are not actors. We are real and we are fully human. So keep going. I am doing the same.
