I can’t concentrate. I believe this is extremely normal given the turn of events of the past weeks. Honestly, I sat down with my computer with a solid blog post idea, but it just wasn’t coming. I was already late for my Friday publishing schedule. It was already Friday morning.
Despair
I was feeling a bit nervous about this. I haven’t missed a week from when I began this blog space on my 53rd birthday last May. My mom’s voice was in the background, my thoughts were all over the place, and my emotions a bit shot.
If you missed last weeks blog post, I lost my step-dad on November 4th. A dad to me for the past 39 years.
It is incredible how the significance of a day can forever change from one moment to the next.
I share my emotions and thoughts about the grief I am experiencing in the post. Click here to read.
I am with my family. I arrived two days ago on a plane from Bologna, Italy to Orlando, Florida. It was a super smooth trip which is always something to be grateful for.
It feels really good to be here when everything feels so out of control. And probably this is the main reason why I wasn’t able to formulate a decent sentence.
I just needed to be here. And not having to control a thing.
So after about an hour of attempts to write something of value – getting up and down to reheat my coffee 3 or 4 times – and unable to force the beauty out of me – I switched gears.
Returning To Center
I took a breath. This is always a wise thing. And then I nodded to the phrases written below which I had typed in the blank space where the solid blog post was supposed to go.
I internally repeated these really important self-love reminders:
- Honor what you need.
- Let go of what you think you should do.
- Be true to yourself.
- Relax. It is ok not to write a post today.
- And whatever comes, it need not be perfect.
Letting ourselves be completely imperfect is a perfect example of love and compassion.
This helped.
And yet, I really wanted to share some news with you that I had put on hold.
I really need some. Solid good news, I mean. You do too, don’t you?
And, to do so, I decided to take the pressure off myself. I am resharing an adaption of the email I sent to my blog subscribers last Sunday.
Knocking it out in just under an hour after everyone else went to bed – Friday night – so I could deliver it a bit too late, but still on schedule.
So today I have some good news to share. It is something that I can actually feel in control of right now.
Keep this in mind: The more we value things out of our control, the less control we have.
Epictetus
Holding On & Good News
From my home away from home and me somewhere between despair and dreams, here it is…
This is a dream of mine coming true – a personal joy that I hope will spread joy to others as well.
And it is so fitting that I am sharing this with you in a moment of great loss for my family and I.
Perhaps you may think that it is too soon to speak about something that I am super excited about? I mean gosh, it is so ripe.
Truthfully, walking into this house and him not here…
friends, I am just holding on.
And maybe that was how it was supposed to be…Kristin Hannah
Joy and sadness were part of the package; the trick, perhaps, was to let yourself feel all of it, but to hold on to the joy just a little more tightly.
When It Just Feels Right
I still believe that something is right only when it feels right.
Brian Wilson
And this is why sharing some sweet news with you today actually feels right. Perfect! This news particularly.
Such huge reminders here:
- To honor life.
- And to be happy with the hurt.
- To hold on tightly to the blessings and joys.
It feels as if my dream – so long in the making – was waiting for this moment to come alive. When you read about it you will understand how in sync it is with the holding of so many emotions.
Perfectly symbolic.
Saying goodbye to someone I love incredibly. Welcoming something special to me into the world.
Emptiness and fullness.
Despair and excitement.
Sadness and happiness.
Beautifully coexisting sentiments.
Isn’t life’s duality always popping up to teach us how incredible our heart is, feeling so many different things at once.
And isn’t this the proof that we are living fully?
In all of our fullness as humans.
Learning, remembering, and stretching ourselves to experience it all.
And although we are not pleased with all of it – some of it may truly sting – we understand that this is exactly how it is supposed to be.
The Calling
It is as if all the ups and downs, comings and goings, noise and silence, doubt, desires, and dreams are shouting out to me:
BE HERE! Hold on to this and say thank you for being here to experience life in all its parts, for all its parts.
And do it for him.
And I am – doing it for my step-dad. For him, the sadness in my heart. And for him, the fullness.
The joy. The anticipation. The ability to hold on to and celebrate a dream during a moment of despair.
Because it is something that he was really emotional about. It even made him cry.
And I am so sure that he is smiling down upon me and saying, Yes, Dan. Go for it. I’m proud of ya.
I feel the sadness and with this, for this – I choose to continue to dream.
Dreams
But, before I share my little tidbit with you, here are a few suggetions for this week.
1. Ask yourself:
- Can I learn to feel joy even when things are difficult?
- Can I hold space for my dreams during moments of despair?
- Is there a time when I accomplished this? How did it feel?
- How can I apply this wisdom to honor all parts of my life today?
2. If you haven’t already done so, read this week’s blog post, Grief and Loss: How To Love And Support Someone – Including Yourself
3. Try this week’s meditation practice, Daily Calm, a 10-Minute Guided Breathing Meditation to return to serenity.
And now a drumroll please…
4. CLICK HERE to read about my sweet ANNOUNCEMENT 🥰 AND PLEASE READ TO THE END BECAUSE I NEED YOU TO. 🙏 I am truly asking for your help here.
Final Note – Right Now We Allow
Thank you so much for sharing it all with me.
This is not one of my best blog posts. It definitely is not perfect. It is really nothing special. And I am really happy with it. This is perhaps my most important message today.
Leave the perfectionism and the expectations at the door and step into what is calling you in the moment. Honor yourself first. This is how we honor everything else.
So I don’t know when or what I will be writing during the following weeks. Maybe all I will be able to do is share more of this dream with you.
But I do know that I do not have to think about this right now. Authenticity is the goal here. We just start from where we are. In every moment. A beginning, an end, or somewhere in between. We allow.
And isn’t this is all we ever need to ask of ourselves?
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
Arthur Ashe
May we honor ourselves today remembering that what feels right will always be right.
My heart reaching out to yours,
